Rather life doing stuff TO you, the gap allows you to choose what it can do FOR you.
If you’ve ever had an instant reaction to something and then though afterwards, hmmm maybe I could have given myself some time respond differently, then you’ve glimpsed what we call the gap.
Wayne Dyer popularized the idea of “getting in the gap” — the still space between your thoughts, between stimulus and response.
It’s not just a metaphor. It’s a real, practical space and a way to reclaim your sanity, calm your nervous system, and act with intention rather than reacting on autopilot.
Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl said it best:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
That space is the gap. And when you learn to access it, and expand on it — even for a few extra seconds — life profoundly changes.
Why the Gap Feels So Hard to Find
Modern life is designed to keep us off center, and in reaction mode. Notifications, deadlines, and constant stimulation keep us in a state of reactivity. When something happens, we instantly react — with anger, fear, defensiveness, or anxiety — and we forget that we can pause to choose.
It’s by design, marketing companies exist on our perpetual need to fix the gap with something.
They’ll say, “It’s not realistic to pause in real life — you just have to deal with things as they come.”
But this is the very reason mindfulness is so revolutionary: it gives you a moment to CHOOSE how and where you want to spend your energy.
Wisdom from the Great Teachers
The author Wayne Dyer taught that when you enter the gap, you open a channel to the divine — what he called the field of intention. But he wasn’t the only one pointing us toward the space between thoughts.
- Eckhart Tolle reminds us in The Power of Now that “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.” The gap is pure presence — where past and future dissolve.
- Paulo Coelho writes, “Life is the moment we are living right now.” The gap is where you feel that aliveness.
- Don Miguel Ruiz, in The Four Agreements, encourages us not to take things personally — which becomes far easier when you pause in the gap before reacting to someone else’s words.
- Joseph Campbell said, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” The gap is where you meet your true self, before conditioning and ego jump in with a script.
Each of these teachers points to the same truth: freedom, presence, and authenticity live in the pause.
How to Enter the Gap
You don’t need a monastery retreat to find it. Here are approachable practices to slip into the gap during your regular day:
These are some of the go-to calm we share in the free 21 Day Mindfulness Program.
1. One-Breath Reset
When triggered, pause and take one conscious breath. Slow inhale, slow exhale. Imagine that breath as a wedge prying open the gap just wide enough for choice to slip in.
“The pause is as important as the note.” – Truman Fisher (often quoted by musicians, but perfect here)
2. Micro-Moment Awareness
Pick one daily action — opening a door, taking a sip of tea — and let it be your mindfulness “bell”. Each time it happens, stop and notice what you feel, what you hear, where your thoughts are.
Over time, this conditions you to notice micro-moments throughout the day — and use them as doorways into presence.
3. Observe the Breath Gap
Set a timer for three minutes. Sit quietly and focus on the natural pause after your exhale, before your inhale begins.
This tiny exercise is the essence of Wayne Dyer’s “gap meditation.” The longer you observe, the longer the pause seems to stretch — giving you the felt sense of spaciousness.
4. 5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Grounding
A classic technique for anxiety and stress:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
By the time you reach “1,” you’re rooted in the present moment.
5. Micro-Journaling
Keep a tiny notebook or phone note where you capture three lines:
- Trigger: What happened
- Impulse: What you wanted to do
- Choice: What you actually did
This is a mindfulness exercise packaged as writing — it slows the nervous system and trains you to widen the gap next time. Writing in a journal also helps you to mark a spot in time so you can reflect later. You can see where you were, and the shifts or subtle improvements you have made. This is a powerful tool for reinforcing and embedding good habits.
Expanding the Gap
Recognizing the gap once is good. But the real transformation comes when you start living in the gap more regularly.
Here’s how to cultivate your gap:
- Practice daily: Even two minutes of mindful breathing or gap meditation creates new neural pathways.
- Celebrate small wins: Notice when you catch yourself before reacting — and appreciate the fact that you caught that moment.
- Reduce stimulation: Create device-free zones or times. Fewer inputs = more natural space.
- Stay compassionate: You won’t always catch yourself. That’s ok, it takes practice. Just reset and try again.
As Joseph Campbell might say, this is the hero’s journey — the adventure inward to find the still point from which everything else flows.
Dealing with the Skeptics
People may sometimes note a change in your demeanor, your calmness. They might even comment on it. They might even say you have “checked out,” or “detached.” Take it as a compliment, and note how you feel. It’s a sign that you have taken back control of your own responses, you are no longer at the mercy of your environment.
If someone else notices this – congratulations, you have just claimed your ability to CHOOSE how you respond. Life can no longer “gaslight” you at will.
And remember Paulo Coelho’s words:
“The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.”
The more you practice living in the gap, the less you’ll need to defend it. Your presence speaks louder than explanation.
A Sample “Gap Day”
Here’s what one mindful day might look like:
- Morning: Three-minute breath-gap meditation before checking your phone.
- Midday: One-breath reset before each meeting or email reply.
- Afternoon: Use your walk to focus on footfalls — step, pause, step.
- Evening: Write a quick trigger/impulse/choice log before bed.
Over time, these micro-practices become automatic. You won’t just “get” into the gap — you’lllive there.
The Power of Choosing
Living in the gap is not about being perfectly serene. It’s about reclaiming your ability to choose — to respond, not react.
Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Paulo Coelho, Don Miguel Ruiz, and Joseph Campbell may come from different traditions, but they all point to the same timeless truth:
The gap is where you meet yourself.
The gap is where freedom lives.
And the gap is available right now — in the next breath you take.
